Memories
by Princess Reinette
Summary: When the Doctor leaves Rose behind, she is haunted by dreams of the love they once shared as she tries to move on. Slightly AU, my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic! Please review kindly, no flames please! Complete! Thanks for reading!
1. Memories

**Salut, again! This is my first attempt as a multi-chapter fic. Updates will be sporadic, as they rely on the motivation I get from reviews! Please let me know what you think! This is an AU story, set somewhere after... hmmm... well, 10th Doctor, so whenever you like in the second season, before the finale, of course. Anyway, here it goes!**

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><p>She opened her eyes and sat up with a gasp, her paper - thin hand flying to her aching head. She had thought the dreams had gone, that she could finally be free of the nightly hauntings. But no, this was proof. They were here, and now, just like always. They would never go away. She clenched her blue-grey eyes shut with visible effort, and let her mind re-watch every agonizing second. She had tried, so many times, to stop it from happening, but she couldn't. After the first few weeks, she had learned not to scream when she woke up, and not to let anyone hear her sobs. She didn't eat after two in the afternoon, in hopes that an empty stomach would reduce the retching. But that didn't stop the dreams themselves. She knew that only one thing could, but she also knew that she would never be able to see that thing again. To see him. To see his smile, his face lighting up at the mention of her name. Because that's what the dreams are. Memories.<p>

When she could see again, rid of the lights that blinded her mind, she crept out of her warm bed and down the short hallway to her en-suite bathroom, thanking whatever god there was that she hadn't screamed loud enough this time to wake her mother, just down the hall of their small flat. Then there would be questions, questions she couldn't, no, _wouldn't_, answer. She closed the bathroom door quietly, and turned on the faucet. The cold water felt good on her face, her arms. His arms, around her. His arms, holding her close in the darkness. No. Not him. He wasn't there. So she stopped thinking, again. Too restless to sleep again so soon, she pulled out her laptop from its hidden spot under her bed, where no one would look. Suddenly tired of her golden-blond hair fanning out around her, she tied it back with one of the many hair ties that littered the carpet around her bed, from nights when she had torn them out harshly in her sleep. In her dreams. The computer's clock read 3:30 as she typed in her short password, the name that haunted her thoughts every day. His name. Noiselessly, she scanned her e-mail in vain, out of habit, hoping for some mention of him, of the home they had made together throughout all of time and space. But it wasn't there. It never was. She quickly signed out of her account, satiated, and rolled over to try and sleep again. And with any luck, she wouldn't dream.

The next morning, she woke to the sound of her mother's grating voice, telling her it was time to get up or she would be late. She groaned, and rolled over, searching blindly for her phone so she could check the time. Damn. 7:30. Her mother was right; she would be late if she didn't hurry. She had her headphones in her ears in seconds, blasting out the sound of the rest of the world as she searched in her closet for something that wouldn't remind her of her other life, of the one she led so long ago. Luckily, most of her old clothes hung off her thin, worn frame now, six sizes too big in every aspect. That left the few clothes her mother had insisted on buying her, the casual blouses that clung tightly to her nearly non-existent curves and jeans that flattered her only by chance. She didn't care anymore how people saw her, but her mother, trying her best to draw Rose out of the darkness she lived in, had bought her beautiful things and makeup and shoes to try and normalize her radically deteriorating daughter. Things hadn't always been like this. Before, she had things to encourage her to eat and sleep and care for her body. She used to have him. She used to have him tell her every chance he got how pretty she was, even at night, in the darkness of a planet with no moon at midnight, with her close rumpled from their most recent escape and her make up kissed off by accident. But when he was gone, when it was all gone, she had withered. She had withered, but she hadn't died. They wouldn't let her do that. They wanted her to be beautiful. They always did. Her mother, her doctors, every one wanted her to be normal, but she was of age; there was only so much they could do. The fat that had clung to her bones, keeping her healthy and beautiful, had disappeared. Her hair had grown out into waves that covered her face when she tilted her head, and her body decayed as her mind grew further and further from the rest of the world around her, towards thoughts of him.

She ran a comb through her hair, out of habit. She didn't really care about things like that anymore. Ear buds still in place, she tripped out the door and down the stairs, keeping her eyes down, hoping not to meet her mum's worried gaze. She shouldn't have tried too hard though, because she was distracted, arguing with her boss on the phone again. Once upon a time, this had been a happy family, if not a conventional one. A single mum and her pretty daughter, they had gotten along fine, but weren't anything special. Then he came, and things were better, perfect. Then he left, and things were worse. Rose had stopped caring about work and going back to school and her mother spent her days trying desperately to find relief from the stress of having a daughter whose heart refused to heal. Ms. Tyler had slowly distanced herself from her daughter, not knowing how to deal with something she had never experienced, and hoping Rose wouldn't notice the way her mum looked away from her instead of at her, and the way she no longer tried to engage the girl in anything. But she noticed. The girl with the sad blue eyes and honey blond hair noticed everything, because no one noticed her.

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><p><strong>Okay! How was it? I've been working on it forever, so hopefully it worked well. Please review!<strong>

**Merci,**

**Reinette**


	2. Brilliance

**Salut! So, I am so sorry this is absolutly to late, but I finally got time to work on it, and then I was super encouraged by the response I got: Thanks so much** _ryoukitsu and Dreamcatcher49 _**for the wonderful comments. If anyone has any suggestions for where they'd like to see the story go, please leave a review or PM me. So, here you go! Enjoy!**

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><p>Rose Tyler never expected to fall in love. She had thought her life was complete, that there was nothing more for her to do, or be. She had a job that wasn't terrible, even if it wasn't fantastic. She had a boyfriend who took her out to dinner every once in a while and a mother who made sure she had a roof over her head. She wasn't happy, no, that wasn't a word that applied to Rose Tyler then, but she thought that she might just be content. And then a man with big ears and a leather jacket blew up her job, and her life was never the same.<p>

This man, this impossible, insane, wonderful, _brilliant _man had shown her the world, the universe and taken her breath away and she was in love with him. It hadn't taken long, really, but she wouldn't admit it until it was too late. Their first adventure together was filled with explosions and new ideas, and had left her with the utter security that she was not alone. After that, he had taken her everywhere, and done everything. Barcelona, Charles Dickens in _Cardiff _of all places, New New Earth with apple grass and cat-nuns, Queen Victoria and werewolves, and so, so much more. And they had fallen in love.

It took so long for one of them to finally admit it. It ended up being him, who spoke the words for the first time, but Rose had been the one to show it. The two travelers had just run through the doors of the blue bigger – on – the – inside box that was their home and lively hood, covered in muck but high on the thrill of being alive and well. Rose was clutching her broken heels, also covered in a green – ish brown goo, and the Doctor had lost his suit – jacket somewhere along the way. The Doctor had begun to stutter slightly, rambling along like he did when he was nervous, and Rose had had enough. It had been a long day, filled with running and planet - saving and green – ish brown glop that looked disgusting but actually smelled quite nice. Like strawberries. Regardless of the pleasant smell, all she wanted was a hot bath and a nice cup of tea, the way her mum made. And the Doctor wouldn't shut up. So, naturally, she had kissed him. Just to shut him up, of course. There was no ulterior motive at all. She didn't kiss him just because he looked positively adorable trying to free his hair from the gunk and all the while keeping up a stream of words spilling from his altogether too delicious lips. And then he had said it. He had said those beautiful, terrible, powerful words with compassion and love, and Rose had nearly fainted in his arms, right there on the grating of the Tardis floor.

_I love you, Rose Tyler._

After that, things had progressed quickly. Rose had been given a quite _personal _tour of the Doctor's bedroom, and had easily abandoned her own in favor of the deep blue walls and a ceiling filled with stars that moved above her. Not to mention the handsome Timelord who she shared it all with. Their adventured hadn't changed, at first. The Doctor was still just as protective of his Rose, and Rose still wandered off every chance she got, only now she usually dragged her Doctor with her, and refrained from flirting _quite _so openly with the pretty boys that still flocked to her. They still had breakfast together in the mornings, in the quiet calm of the sunflower yellow kitchen aboard the TARDIS, but it took them longer to leave after their meal, as they could openly act on their desires instead of running quickly to get dressed to avoid the tension.

And then things had changed. Rose's Doctor had become wary of her presence, always sure that she was protected and cared for before running off to save the day, sometimes going so far as to leave the place they had come to altogether if he felt there would be too much danger. The days of running happily and without a care through the universe halted slowly, dribbling down a few moments of feeling content, and eventually not even that existed between the former lovers and companions. Rose blamed herself, mostly. She didn't know why the Doctor had begun to act so strangely, but she knew, she just _knew, _she could have done something more about it. If only, she thought to herself so often, she had loved him _just _a bit more, or with _just_ a bit more compassion, he wouldn't have spiraled down the way he had, convinced she would only be hurt if she stayed with him. Maybe if she had given him more space, or less, he wouldn't have left her here on her own. Her mind went over the possibilities daily as she trudged half – heartedly through her life, or what was left of it. She relieved the moments, and blamed herself, and then blamed him, and then her mother, and then the color of the sky on the day he had brought her back, like a default toy, and left her with a few, simple words, nothing compared to the bunches of them she had once been so accustomed to. Daily, weekly, every hour and every minute and every second of the day, her mind was on him. She knew it couldn't be healthy, but she didn't care. She would remember those words until the day she died. She would not, _could not,_ let herself forget anything, forget him, forget _them._ So she remembered.

_I love you, Rose Tyler. _

And then she cried.

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><p><strong>Okay, NOT happy with where this went at the end, but I was writing and this is what came out. So there. Once again, comments and suggestions are welcome, as well as concrit, but flames will be discussed harshly on my next post. So please be kind. If for some unfathomable reason the story gets too dark or *ahem* steamy and I need to up the rating, please let me know. If you've checked out my profile, you know that even though I read and review a rediculous amount, my acutal writing is just getting started, so I'm not extremely sure about the rating system. Anyway, thanks, and review please!<strong>

**-Reinette**

**P.S. oh, and I realized while re-reading all my stuff that I made a HUGE mistake that is UNACCEPTABLE! I made Rose's eyes BLUE! GAH! So, should I leave it and refer to them as blue for the rest of the story(however long it goes) or change it in future stuff?**


	3. Breaking Point

**Right, so I know this is INSANELY short, but I've acutually figured out where this is going, so I AM SO EXCITED! I decided to go ahead and share this short chapter as a kind of leading into point, and you can expect the official Chapter 3 (probably the last) in a few days. That is, if I get enough reviews. *Hint Hint***

**Anyway, enjoy!**

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><p>Rose Tyler once believed that nothing could ever break their bond. That belief lasted for exactly fifty-two days, three hours, and twenty-seven minutes. She remembered every second of it. Mostly, of course, just because she had nothing else left. Her job was a prop, a way to convince her mother she was at least trying to get better, to move on. She spent her days staring at customers from behind the glass counter at the shop where she worked, dreaming of her Doctor, her love, running in through those doors at the front with the slight crack in the glass, his screwdriver whirring and another adventure on his mind. Her nights, once filled with him and his love for her, were spent staring at the ceiling of her bedroom in her mum's flat, memorizing every dip and anomaly as her exhausted brain swept her back to the days when she would wake up and see him smiling down at her, eager for the day to begin.<p>

She knew, of course, deep down, that he wasn't coming back for her. He had made it ever so clear when he left that he didn't love her anymore. At least, that's how Rose had interpreted it. Why else would he leave her alone?

So Rose spent her time remembering. It's so funny to her now, how much time has changed for her. Once, it flew or crawled, fast and slow but always steady, always there to count on. Now, it's relative. She can blink, expecting to stay still, and find herself days ahead of the last time she remembered blinking. She wasn't traveling anywhere, or time-jumping, or even having black outs. She just didn't care enough about the life she was living to remember it. One by one, her days blurred together, until they were just one cycle, one continuation of one day and one night, over and over and over again. She had always thought, back when time was brilliant and a new adventure awaited her eagerly, that if she had ever had to go back to her home, with our without the Doctor, that her life would still stand out. She had thought, back before declarations of love made in haste and nights of making love beneath the stars of every planet in this galaxy and the next, that her life would never lack luster again. In a way, it didn't. Even now, with so little to interest her, things weren't quite as dull as they could have been. In fact, she noticed things daily that would have, a long time ago, made her shriek with joy or fear or adrenaline. Now, though, she didn't care.

That was, until she found a reason to care again.

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><p><strong>Cliffhanger! I know! But I promise, just a few days. I was just too excited to deal with it to-night. My mind (and muse) works in strange ways. <strong>

**-Reinette**

**P.S. Reviews seriously appreciated. I know more than two people have read the story. I can check the stats. So please, even a simple "Good," or "Bad," or "Lady what is WRONG with you," would make my day. I'm not kidding. So, you know, go ahead. Press the button. Make my day. PLEASE!**


	4. Change

**For now, this will be the final chapter. I'm really not sure I like where this went; it's ceratinly not my best work, but, then again, it served it's purpose! Thanks to everyone who stayed with me - and the story - and I hope you enjoyed reading it! I think, though, I'll stick with one-shots after this. It's too hard to write stuff with actual plot!**

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><p>Change first came in the form of a flower. It appeared on her doorstep one Tuesday morning, with no note or card, and Rose nearly stepped on it in her haste to get to work on time. She bent down to pick it up and felt a smile grace her lips before she could stop it, before she was even aware of it, and the smile made her freeze in her tracks. She couldn't remember smiling in well over two months, now. But the flower had done it. She knew why, she just didn't want to admit it because she was afraid it would hurt her even more. The flower, the perfect pink rose, looked exactly the same as the ones her Doctor had given her nearly every morning when they were together, when they were still the Doctor and his Rose. Almost angrily now, she threw it down in disgust, holding back tears, and ran down the three flights of stairs to the street, where she hurried to get to her job. She didn't notice the man in the bowtie watching her reaction.<p>

The next morning, anther rose was in the same place. Rose had nearly managed to forget yesterday's flower as her mind had resorted to its normal numbness, but seeing another one caused her to fly into a rage, before she collapsed into tears, resigned to calling in sick in an effort to get a hold of herself.

When Jackie found her there on the front step a few minutes later, she nearly cried too, but in happiness. Even if it wasn't in a positive way, Rose was finally responding to something in her life. She thanked the Lord for whoever had sent that flower.

Change really came when Rose Tyler had decided she had had enough. The flowers had been coming every day for the past two and a half weeks, and the fire that came with a good fight had built up once again within her. It had scared her slightly, at first, to feel such strong emotions after spending so long in the darkness that came with such horrible heartbreak. After some time, though, she had decided it was a good feeling. It was the feeling that came with strength, and if there was one thing Rose Marion Tyler was, she was strong. After all, she told herself, she had stood up to the last Dalek in existence, _helped_ it even. She had brought her best friend back to life, and chased ghosts in Cardiff at Christmas with _Charles Dickens_. She, Rose Tyler, had helped save an entire race of half-humans and exploited the scheme of some wacky cat – nun – nurse people. She had been knighted by Queen Victoria after saving the queen from a werewolf. She had not given up hope even when she thought her Doctor was dead, alone on Satellite 5. She had seen all of time and lived to tell the tale. She was the Bad Wolf. And she was strong.

So the next day, instead of destroying the flower or ignoring it, Rose carefully placed it in her bag, letting the petals stretch towards the sunlight. At work, she nearly caused her co-workers to have a heart attack when he saw her beautiful smile for the first time in well, ever. It wasn't quite the tongue – between – the – teeth smile that she had given her Doctor so long ago, but she was trying. For the first time since she had returned, she focused on holding a conversation with the people she met instead of trying to get away from them as quickly as possible. Surprisingly, it wasn't quite as hard as she had thought it would be.

The next few weeks saw more roses and more healing on Rose's part. She still hadn't figured out who was sending the flowers, but had learned to expect them each morning. Over time, her life became full again, even better than it had been before the Doctor came. She never quite moved on from him, but no one really expected her to. Her time with him had been wonderful, but, she came to realize, everything must come to an end, eventually. That didn't mean, though, that she didn't stop hoping. She still wanted her Doctor, her love, to come to her again, but now, it wasn't because she needed to be rescued. And that made all the difference.

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><p><strong>Merci, again to all who read and reviewed, and please continue to do so. You're support is what helps writers through the tough times:) Let's all hope that this senario never EVER happens to one of the companions, as it was HEARTBREAKING! As, of course, Dreamcatcher49 so deftly pointed out. Apreciate the support dear! I'm going to shut up now, though, and say farewell! <strong>

**-Reinette**


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